In an effort to stem global warming, curb greenhouse gas emissions and to address growing water shortages, President Barack Obama singed into law a bill proposing landmark legislation that will affect the way most Americans live.
The president addressed each point of the new law individually. The new law will allow each American to shower for no more than 7 minutes each day. "Americans are too clean", the president stated. "I know people that spend 15, 20 minutes or longer in the shower each day. I know a woman who spends 20 minutes each day washing her hair alone. We need to learn from countries like France that showering is something to be done no more than once a week. We must learn to get wet, lather up, rinse off and get out".
The president also suggested that rather than flush after each pee, Americans should wait until the 6th or 7th pee before flushing. He also requested that Americans limit themselves to defecating no more than once a day.
The new bill also demands drivers limit themselves no more than 50 miles of driving per day. "50 miles is more than enough", the president continued. "If people would simply move closer to their work places, do their shopping on their way to and from work, stop taking long drives through the country and stop driving just for 'kicks' then this goal can be achieved".
The president also suggested taking electric trains, buses and walking.
He president insisted that all business lights go off when the business is not open, home residents do not use electrical appliances before 8PM nor after midnight, lawns cannot be watered, refrigerators be opened no more than twice per day, air conditioning not be used unless the temperature hits 100 degrees or higher. Then the thermostat should be set no lower than 80 degrees.
"This is the price we pay for living in a free society", the president claimed.
Anyone found in violation of the new law will face hefty fines and/or jail.