Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 6 July 2009

image for Mike Tyson To Box Kim Jong Il
The boxing gloves that Mike Tyson will use in his upcoming boxing match with Kim Jong Il.

NEW YORK CITY - Donald Trump Enterprises has announced that they will be sponsoring The First Annual Donald Trump Celebrity Boxing Matches.

Trump said that he signed a deal with NBC to televise the boxing matches which will be shown live from Madison Square Garden on August 15, 2009.

The main match will feature Mike Tyson vs. the leader of North Korea Kim Jong Il.

Many professional aficionados have remarked that Kim Jong Il is no match for the still awesomely fit Mike Tyson and question as to why Trump would even ask Kim Jong Il to put himself in that most dangerous situation.

Trump is quick to point out that it was in fact Kim Jong Il who first approached him about setting up the boxing match.

Trump said that Kim Jong Il wants to show the world that he just doesn't talk a big game that he is a big game. He said that when he's through with Tyson that the little black Tasmanian devil is going to look like a smashed up prune.

When Tyson was told of Kim Jong Il's remarks he hit his fist with his hand and he said that he can hardly wait to get into the ring with that placenta-looking, hairdo-challenged rice-picking mofo.

Tyson then said that when he gets through with Kim Jong Il the only thing that will be left will be a yellow spot underneath the ugliest-looking clump of hair in the entire universe.

And speaking of hair, the billionaire Trump with the unique hair wanted to make it perfectly clear to the boxing world that the fight is not merely just an exhibition by any stretch of the imagination.

Trump pointed out that the North Korean leader was actually quite an accomplished boxer in his younger days.

When he began his boxing career he fought under the name, "The Krazy Korean." Later on in his career his manager Foo Chop Chop changed his boxing name to "The Really Really Krazy Korean."

Kim Jong Il fought as a featherweight and he amassed an amazing 62-1 record.

According to the monthly boxing magazine No Hitting Below The Belt, Kin Jong Il's only loss came at the hands of South Korean boxer, Ying Fing Sing Song, who fought under the name, "The Panmunjom Punk."

According to the Guinness Book of World Records "The Panmunjom Punk" possessed the fastest hands in the world of boxing. He was officially clocked at throwing 212 punches per second.

When the two boxers met in Helsinki, Finland, Sing Song literally had Kim Jong Il gasping for air and on the ropes toward the end of the second round.

Kim Jong Il in a fit of desperation got Sing Song in a clutch hold and while he was holding him he reached over and bit the daylights out of both of Sing Song's ears, his nose, his upper lip, and his left kneecap.

Sing Song instantly fell to the canvas in tremendous pain and Kim Jong Il was immediately disqualified. Three EMS technicians quickly rushed into the ring to attend to the wounded Sing Song and to administer first aid, but they were met by Kim Jong Il who bit the first EMS worker on his right ankle.

He then bit the second EMS worker on his Adam's apple, and before he could bite the third EMS worker the ring announcer hit him on the back of his knees with a shovel.

As Kim Jong Il was falling to the canvas, five Helsinki city police officers pounced on him hitting him with billy clubs.

Kim Jong Il was handcuffed and led away to jail. At his trail, which was held in Helsinki, the judge asked him to approach the bench.

Kim Jong Il did. And then the judge proceeded to throw the book at him. Literally, the judge was reading the novel Gone With The Wind, and he got so upset with Kim Jong Il's nonchalant attitude that he got the Civil War novel and threw it at the future North Korean leader.

Kim Jong Il spent three years in The Finnish Fisherman's Prison. Upon his release he moved back to North Korea where he decided to enter into politics.

He ran for mayor of Pyongyang and was elected by a landslide. He then ran for Prime Minister of North Korea and he won by three votes.

It was during his second term that he suddenly developed his compulsive obsession with missiles. Kim Jong Il definitely has a tremendous missile fetish. His therapist Dr. Boo Boo Yang Tang said that Kim Jong Il's obsession has reached a very serious state.

Dr. Yang Tang said that Mrs. Kim Jong Il said that during the lovemaking sessions he refers to her as "The Missile Mama."

In other news. Both Madonna and Angelina Jolie went one whole week without adopting an African baby.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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