The sexy Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, today announced she was resigning her position to 'spend more time with my family'. This, of course, is politico-speak for being blackmailed out of office, and the summer of 2009 has seen record numbers of British MPs not standing for re-election, to 'spend more time with their families'.
When asked if she was forced to resign by her opponents, Mrs Palin said 'No, no, no, certainly not. Nope. Niet, nein, non, nada nada nada, nae chance, pal. I simply have reached the end of my saintly good works as Governor of the part of America nobody wants to live in, and decided I had to spend more time with my children. Who are all grown up and have left home, but it's the thought that counts.'
Sarah Palin's intelligence and intellect had wowed voters across the USA when she tried to become American Vice-President, as did her shapely chest. And the rumours that all you need nowadays to become US President, or even Vice-President, is large teeth and a corny smile are quite true, but Americans haven't reached the 20th century yet, and can't grasp the idea of having female leaders.
'We are', said President Barack Onholiday, 'the mightiest yet somehow the most ridiculous country in the world. Make no mistake about this, I pledge to make our aim and our goal to keep waffling about nothing until - and let me say this plainly in a Hollywoodistic manner - the USA elects another waving, grinning waver, to wave and grin in anywhere from Berlin to Outer Kamchatka.'
'The day a woman runs the mightiest country in the world is the day such a forward-looking and mature approach to life happens in Britain, Germany, Pakistan, India or Israel.'
But when it was pointed that all those countries have had female heads of state, the President pulled out his official American Race Card, and Americans instantly were transported back to the 1800s, and forgot all about it.
Sarah Palin's chest was unavailable for comment.