HOUSTON - Former Enron CEO Kenneth Lay surrendered to authorities and the government's charges against him are only part of his wide-ranging scheme to deceive the public, company shareholders, government regulators while he mounted a plan for the energy company to take over the world.
Lay, now revealing all of his plans, said he and former CEO Jeffrey Skilling, along with former top Enron accountant Richard Causey, thought it would be fun to see if they could make a few people rich enough to take over the world and rule it, according to testimony.
"Lay participated in a conspiracy to manipulate Enron's quarterly financial results," said FBI agent Morris Mencalf, who was in the room when Lay was indicted and got three regular coffees for other FBI agents during the event. "But we had no idea that he and the other guys were planning to take this to the Nth degree."
The falsehoods and criminal activities are the tip of the iceberg, according to lawyers, because "plotting to take things to the Nth degree is in itself an act punishable by life in prison without edible grains."
"We feel," said a federal attorney, "that just because Lay has been truthful doesn't mean his plans were less notorious. The Nth degree charge is on its own monstrous for the man, no less his intention of remaining a member of his health club."
Lay revealed plans to run the world after purchasing it from its current leaders and then avoiding a financial collapse of the world economy by having everyone work on tunnels and bridges to each country. He also said he and his cohorts planned on stopping all future productions of movies that involved Bruce Willis.
Lay also said he and his world rulers would have made dentistry illegal, turned all yellow taxi cabs into blue taxi cabs, given Dick Cheney his own talk show and given professional football a new name.