Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 5 July 2009

image for Meghan McCain's Juicy Tell-All Follow-Up Book
Meghan McCain shown at a book signing at a Dairy Queen in Juneau, Alaska.

TUCSON - Meghan McCain, the 24-year-old daughter of Senator John and Cindy McCain has just published her second book. The 888-page book is a follow-up book to her first book entitled Gee Opie (GOP) - The Mayberry Republicans.

Her second political expose book is titled Quick Somebody Get Out The Towels, The Mayberry Republicans Are Gonna Start Crying Like Little Girls.

The book, which Senator John McCain says is the most accurate book on the GOP that he has ever read is currently rated #1 by both The New Orleans Bayou Gazette and The Brooklyn Bridger Times.

Young McCain said that she wrote the book because she got sick and tired of everyone from Sean Hannity to Ann Coulter and Dick Cheney to Paris Hilton blaming her father for loosing the presidential election.

McCain writes in chapter three that Miss Hilton, who is 28 going on 8, could not spell GOP if you spotted her the G and the O. She added that she met the hotel heiress once at a Gucci convention in Paris where Hilton bought a box of Gucci Tampons for $389.

Meghan wrote that to quote Shania Twain, "Paris did not impress me much. All she seems to know how to do is to stand around posing from one leg to the other."

When Paris was asked what she thought about the Wall Street turmoil, she replied that she truly feels that as long as they manage to contain the turmoil to Wall Street, and Wall Street only, that everything should be hunky dory.

In regards to the president's stimulus package, Ms. Hilton smiled openly and stated that she really and truly felt that the stimulus package certainly had the capability to stimulate everyone's package.

The 24-year-old McCain was asked if she had a personal vendetta against Miss Hilton and she replied that she didn't.

She then added that politically, intellectually, and psychologically Paris of the house of Hilton is totally unarmed and sadly has the thinking capacity ability that lies somewhere between that of a Lincoln Log and a California raisin.

In chapter five, titled, "Saracuda Palin's Post Partum Depression" she writes that Governor Palin acted like being the leader of the 49th state was somehow equal to being the emperor of Japan, or the prime minister of England, or even the CEO of Toys 'R' Us.

Palin spent so much time patting herself on her back that on three different occasions she actually got arm cramps and once got arm spasms.

Meghan recalls that on her appearance on Meet The Press she went on and on about being the leader of a vast multitude of people. Well truth be told, there are more people living in Austin, Texas than in the entire frozen state of Alaska.

McCain said that she became very close to Sarah Palin during the 2008 presidential campaign. She said that one evening when they were sitting in Palin's motel room in Detroit, Palin told her that she had no idea that she would miss moose hunting so much.

Meghan told her father later that Sarah had actually asked her if she knew of a zoo that was nearby. When she asked her why, the governor got a strange look in her eye and replied that she had suddenly gotten one heck of a hankering to shoot an animal.

In the book's chapter eight, McCain writes that Dick Cheney called up her dad in late November and told him to drop out of the race and to let Palin take over.

When John McCain asked him why in the world he would do that, he was told so that the GOP would have at least a snowball's chance in hell of winning.

The Arizona senator reportedly told Cheney to go find one of his so-called weapons of mass destruction and to stick it up his bomb bay (ass).

Cheney got so mad he told McCain that he would never ever speak to him again.

McCain reportedly replied, "That's good because I spent five and a half years in a North Vietnamese POW camp and I sure as hell do not need to take any shit from no sauerkraut-eating, Rush Limbaugh-looking Nazi wannabe."

Meghan writes in chapter 11, that at Mitt Romney's birthday party Sarah Palin, Mrs. Mitt Romney, and Mrs. Sean Hannity spent about 15 minutes badmouthing Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee. They said that he had a hard time pronouncing his R's and P's.

Mrs. Hannity even said that Huckabee looked like one of the Flintstone characters to which Palin chimed in, "Ya know Mrs. Hannity, you're really one to talk since you're husband Sean looks like the spittin' image of Fred Flintstone."

When Mrs. Hannity told her husband, Sean got offended and he told Palin to stick her sarcastic Alaskan arrogance up her Kodiak Keister.

In other news. The Sea of Japan Commission For The Fair Treatment of Fish has informed North Korean leader Kim Jong Il that five of the seven missiles he fired off on the 4th of July injured 6 dolphins, 3 manta rays, 2 hammerhead sharks, and a sperm whale.

And as a result the commission will be levying a $15,000 fine on North Korea with payment due immediately.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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