Los Angeles - (Conspiracy Theory Mess): The meticulously choreographed July 4th funeral has bombed.
And classic Jackson family shenanigans were blamed today as a sordid plot to cremate singer Wacko and dump a waxwork lookalike into a Neverland minefield fell apart at the seams.
Much like Wacko himself.
Paterfamiliass (sic) Joe and uber-dodgy sibling Jermane already pocketed several million dollars hushmoney back in '89.
Their omerta fee came from Sony Music hitman George Bush Jr who topped the real, feckless Michael, burying his bullet-riddled body in the Bush family complex at Walker's Point, Kennebunkport.
Dame Elizabeth Taylor's butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-ass demeanour is in need of a damned good proctologist.