Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Wednesday, 1 July 2009

image for Officials Fear Mass Suicide At Jackson Funeral
Another Bizarre MJ Fan Arrives In Town For 'The Funeral Of The Century'

Los Angeles CA-- California officials are openly concerned about a mass suicide during the Michael Jackson funeral. They fear another Jonestown will develop and are taking steps to minimize the expected carnage. They expect at least 10,000 emotionally disturbed fans to take their own lives, once their idol is planted in the ground.

The death of the pop-star is attracting every sort of loser to the Golden State. Morons, fools, and clowns arrived by plane on Monday. Geeks, freaks and goons arrived by train on Tuesday. Child molesters, body snatchers, and crotch grabbers arrived by car on Wednesday. Officials said it was beginning to look as weird and dangerous as an Obama rally!

The funeral's time and location is being kept secret to minimize the suicide death toll. Up to 100,000 body bags have been ordered, in case one of the 'fans' goes postal.

After burial, the grave will be covered with barbed wire to prevent suicides. Officials are also begging would-be suicides to use pills or strangulation to end their miserable lives. Knives and guns make such a bloody mess!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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