Written by Valmerk
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Topics: Michael Jackson

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

image for Michael Jackson's Last Regret: Missing The "Cash For Clunkers" program.
The Jackson clunker rests inside this Neverland maintenance barn.

It's called the "Cash for Clunkers" program, widely promoted in the US. What is it? It's a car allowance rebate system which allows the owner of an old clunker to get up to $4,500 for turning it in to put toward a new, more fuel efficient model. It will also now be known as the King of Pop's last dying wish. A wish that, sadly, will never come true.

I spoke with his loyal maid and mastermind behind this cunning plan. She was still hammering out the details of Michael's "Cash for Clunkers" plan on the very morning of his death, and told me, "Michael had an '82 blue Ford Pinto holed up in a maintenance barn at his Neverland Ranch. He drove it from concert to concert on his Thriller tour. It doesn't run now, but we were going to put it in neutral and push it down Hollywood Boulevard to the local car dealer and see what he would get for it. I was going to slather sunscreen on what was left of Michael's face and hold his umbrella for him while he pushed. Bubbles was going to take the wheel and steer it in for us. We were all so excited, we couldn't sleep a wink the night before, us being in the same bed and all."

"Instead of using the rebate money to buy a new car, Michael told us that he would cash it in and we would sneak off to Toys R Us to go on a shopping spree. Bubbles hooted and thumped his chest repeatedly because he was finaly going to get that deluxe trampoline he had been dreaming of. I was going to get my coveted Tinkerbell costume. We were all going to purchase new rollerblades so we could skate back to Neverland in style. and of course, he was going to use whatever was left over to pay off all of his remaining debts once and for all."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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