WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Barack Obama at a White House press conference has stated that he is issuing a presidential proclamation designating Michael Jackson's birthday, August 29, as National Michael Jackson Day.
The president said that through his singing, dancing, and accordion playing Jackson served not only as a goodwill ambassador but as a world-wide champion of peace as well.
Michael Jackson is solely responsible for single-handedly helping to bring an end to the two-year war between Ethiopia and Mexico. He did it by performing a three-hour concert for the combined armies of both countries.
Jackson also traveled to Denmark and spoke to the militant leaders of the rebel Danish Pastry Party and convinced them to lay down their pie pans, their sifters, and their butter knives and put an end to their senseless uprising against the sovereign government.
The president praised Michael who in 2001, traveled by plane, air-boat, and then hippo to Botswana, Africa where he met with President Magumba Malarkey of Botswana and President Jimmy James of Switzerland and drew up a peace plan.
The plan known as The Ebony and Ivory-Malarkey-James Peace Plan called for the Botswanian army to immediately leave Switzerland soil and in exchange Switzerland would provide them with 42,000 packets of Swiss Cocoa Mix.
Vice-President Joe Biden also praised Jackson for singing some of the best gosh darn dancing songs that he had ever cut a rug to. He said that his personal favorite was "Billie Jean" because back in high school he actually dated a girl throughout his junior and senior year by the same name.
Biden said that he and Billie Jean Rakatino actually had made plans to get married the day after their high school graduation, but then she got pregnant by the high school quarterback Chad "The Wienerman" Willadecki and that kind of put a damper on their wedding plans.
Campbell Brown of CNN asked the president what his favorite memory of Michael Jackson was. The president smiled and said that he remembers that on his and the "First Mama" (Michelle's) third date they were sitting in the backseat of his Chevrolet Caprice and the song "Thriller" came on the radio. He said that Michelle got so excited that she allowed him to go all the way to third base.
Obama said that the next day, he went to Target and bought the Thriller CD and kept it in the glove compartment of his car. He grinned, winked at the camera and said, "And if I may, please allow me a few moments."
The president looked up at the ceiling and said. "Michael, my man, my bro, my fellow black dude, thank you so much for allowing me, through your wonderful music, to hit two, not one, but two home runs with Michelle on our fourth date."
And speaking of sports. The Houston Astros beat the Pittsburgh Pirates 11-1. The game was stopped in the sixth inning because of Major League Baseball's new 10-run rule.