Paducka, Kentucky - A man by the name of Billy Joe Bob claims to have the only known authentic copy of the Last Will and Testament of Michael Jackson.
Said Mr. Bob, "Mr. Michael Jackson came through here a few years back. His Llama had broken down on the freeway and he had to walk near 35 miles before he came onto my property where I saw him and offered him some refreshment and a slice of sponge cake."
"Well, he was carrying a rucksack, some skin on his bones, for he was very scrawny lookin', and, except for a sparkly glove, some army surplus clothes and a smile, not much else. So I told him to stay with me awhile and, with some home cooking and moonshine, I got him nursed back to health."
"Well, one day when he was gittin' ready to leave, he pulled out this document, his will, and left it with me for safe keeping. He told me that when he died, he wanted me to take this to Los Angeles and present it to his lawyer man."
Mr. Bob elaborated on the will, "Now, according to the will, it states that Mr. Billy Joe Bob, that's me, is to be given '...any and all rights and royalties due pertaining to the songwriting, publishing, and distribution of music created by Michael Joseph Jackson born of Gary, Indiana, August 29, 1958."
"Then it goes, 'As well, Mr. Billy Joe Bob has first dibs on any private possessions held by me at the time of my death, which would include antiques, archeological artifacts, flora or fauna, furnishings, but most surely kitchen utensils and whatnot without exception.' concluded Mr. Bob.
"I especially like the last one and hope he had a bread maker in there."
Mr. Bob has surmised that he received the bulk of Mr. Jackson's will as a result of, "being at the right place at the right time at a crucial juncture in Mr. Jackson's life."
However, Mr. Bob was at a loss to explain how he got passed over when it came to Mr. Jackson's share of the rights to the Beatle songs.
"I can't understand why Mr. Jackson decided to give that to Heather Mills. Who in tarnation is Heather Mills?"