Bourbon,Wi.-Wisconsin Senator Charlie McCarthy, has promised to hold hearings on his allegations that Canadians have "infiltrated all branches of the government of the United States" and are pushing their leftist agenda of universal health care.
The senator, at a specially called news conference held up a stack of papers an "inch thick". "This list contains the names of high-ranking government officials who are suspected of being Canadian!" he exclaimed. He also displayed what looked like a Canadian quarter, but which was "in reality, a sophisticated listening device cleverly disguised as a Canadian quarter, which I found in my very own office last Friday." and announced his intentions to pursue the matter of Canadian infiltration "no matter where it leads!".
"I see it all around me when I spend my days in Washington. The Canadians are easy to spot. They're the ones with the flap-jacks, the maple syrup and the fat-back or "Canadian bacon" on their plates! They're the one's who are pushing this "Canadian" agenda through congress and they must be stopped! The question must be asked, and truthfully answered by each and every person on this list: Are you now or have you ever been a Canadian?".