Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 14 April 2005

image for Feds close in on JFK Jr's killers

(Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts; Wednesday 7 July) Just days away from the fifth anniversary of the sudden and unexpected death of John F Kennedy Jr, his wife Carolyn and sister-in-law Lauren who died when the Piper Saratoga he was piloting mysteriously fell into the sea off Long Island, Federal agents have ordered a news blackout following speculation in the international media that a statement is imminent about new evidence that points to murder as the cause of death.

Despite an official verdict of misadventure and the financial settlement of claims involving the Bessette family and Kennedy's estate, FBI sources today would neither acknowledge nor dismiss reports that a narcotic substance had been found in the hand luggage of the party shortly before the bodies were recovered, and that forensic analysis pointed to a lethal mixture of 95% pure cocaine adulterated 50-50 with heroin.

Further diagnostic reports from Long Island Coroner's Court allege that substantial traces of the chemical cocktail were found during a pathologist's examination of the bodies, and point to a possible loss of consciousness which may have resulted in the pilot becoming incapacitated shortly before coastguards reported loss of radio contact with the plane.

No word either from the FBI on allegations that this potentially lethal mixture had been sold to Bessette by an unknown party who was not her regular coke dealer. Or that this deliberate adulteration was a cynical ploy to ensure the young JFK Jr kept firmly away from the 2000 presidential race.

Conspiracy theorists will doubtlessly relish this scenario as more evidence comes to light about who actually paid the dodgy dealer to spike Jr's candy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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