Written by K J Heitz
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Topics: Vermont, Howard Dean

Wednesday, 7 July 2004

image for Howard Deans Opens Primal Scream Clinic
Howard Dean has too much time on his hands.

Howard Dean, the former governor of Vermont and embarrassing Democratic candidate for president, recently opened the Howard Dean Primal Scream Therapy Clinic in Burlington, Vt. The man who actually thought he had a chance at president found himself with a lot of time on his hands after dropping out of the race and decided to capitalize on the popularity of his January "I Have a Scream" speech, which followed his third place finish in the Iowa primary.

"I know the ‘experts' say that scream derailed my candidacy," Dean said while giving reporters a tour of one of the clinic's padded rooms. "But for me personally, that scream made me feel better than ever, and it has opened up new doors for me."

"I used to bottle up my feelings or smack around the family when I got stressed, now I just come here to the clinic and let loose...Yeeeeeeeearrrrrrhhhhh!"

Dean is offering the thousands of disillusioned college kids who stupidly dropped everything to back a crazy doctor from Vermont, a 10 percent discount on their first session.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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