Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 25 June 2009

image for Lou Diamond Phillips Wins "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here"
The Costa Rican jungle where Sanjaya Malakar lost his virginity.

COSTA RICA - Lou Diamond Phillips who portrayed 50's singing sensation Richie Valens in La Bamba was chosen 'King of The Jungle' in NBC's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!

NBA great John Salley came in third and female wrestler Torrie Wilson came in second. Sanjaya Malakar, a Mohican came in fifth, and ex-Governor Rod Blagojovich's wife Patti came in fourth. Tatiana Del Toro and Perez Hilton received honorable mention.

Patti Blagojovich received the camp award for having the most insect bites. Sanjaya said that he counted all of the bites on Patti's body and the total amount was 946.

Sanjaya on the other hand, or actually on his entire body had a total of 642 bug bites, but like John Salley said, "Well the reason that the Malakar kid only has 642 bites compared to Patti's 946 bites is because the little Bengali Indian fella is a little Bengali Indian fella."

Holly Montag (Heidi's little sister) confessed that she only had 73 bites, but she shyly admitted that 28 were from Sanjaya. Holly revealed that her and Sanjaya had been intimate the night that Sanjaya fought the three adult crocodiles while armed with only a #2 pencil and wearing a pair of loose-fitting Nikes.

She did add that they had safe sex because Sanjaya insisted on using a banana leaf in the place of a condom. Holly said that it worked okay except for the fact that she now has an insatiable craving for banana nut ice cream.

Spencer Pratt and his wife Heidi Montag aka Mr. and Mrs. Conceited Brats, who had left earlier showed up and were immediately arrested by Costa Rican Police. both have been charged with first degree sarcasm, first degree arrogance, and first degree erotisism.

Host Damien Fahey noticed that Spencer must have had some glue on his pants because Heidi sat on his lap the whole time and she did not get up once...not even to pee.

When Costa Rica Police Officers Juanito Papaya and Johnny "El Mango" Cerveza arrived they both actually had to pry Heidi's ass off of Spencer's crotch.

Heidi's little sister Holly said that she is sick and tired of her big sister always embarrassing her.

She said if she isn't walking around in her bra and panties at a Home Depot, she's showing off her pencil eraser nipples at a Walgreens, or making weird noises with her velcro triangle (playpen) at a Taco Bell. [EDITOR'S NOTE: How appropriate since the world Taco is a euphemism for the word playpen (velcro triangle)].

In other news. Everyone is wondering why Jerry Springer is not the host on this year's America's Got Talent. An unnamed source says that the reason is because Jerry was caught in an uncompromising position with one of the judges who's initials are S.O.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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