NEW YORK CITY - In an unbelievably unprecedented move, the Fox Network has just offered North Korean Leader Kim Jong Il his own reality show.
The show's tentative title is "My Name Is Kim Jong Il And I Am One Stupid-Ass Crazy MoFo Bastard North Korean Dude With Stupid-Ass Hair and A Mouth To Go With It."
Fox producer Duane Pyxington said that the North Korean leader has not yet returned his call, but he feels that with Kim Jong Il being the publicity-seeking bitch that he is he will certainly be calling.
The Fox Network made the offer after hearing North Korea's Kim Jong Il threaten to wipe the United States off the map.
Fox expert on North Korea affairs and matters Ying Fu Ding Dong, a graduate of North Korea's prestigious Bamboo University, observed that Kim Jong Il has really and truly gone off the deep end this time.
Ding Dong said that two things have to happen right away in North Korean. First someone needs to wake he, of the hairdo from hell up from his sound sleep. And two, someone needs to take away Kim Jong Il's Etch-A-Sketch before the looney Korean son-of-a-bitch hurts himself.
Every leader of the free world and even the unfree world thinks that Kim Jong Il is the craziest, wackiest off-the-wall piece of elephant droppings to ever come down the Oriental pike.
Japanese Emperor Akihito perhaps put it best when he told CNN's Larry King, that if Kim Jong Il doesn't stop all of this missile launcing bullshit he is going to personally lead three divisions of crack Japanese troops into Pyongyang and stick one of Kimshits missiles up his North Korean puckarino (assarunicticus).
President Obama basically stated the same thing except that he said North Korean Kazoo (buttafuoco).
The United States Secretary of State, the charmingly charming Hillary Clinton stated that she personally sent out an email addressed to all of the citizens of North Korea. Here are the entire contents of that email. Not one word has been omitted or changed:
To The Free and Wonderfully Cute Little People of North Korea: I ask that you please realize that your leader, or rather so-called leader Kim Jong Il is playing with fire.
The little baby has taken a box of matches and he is sitting in his playpen with a crazed look of trepidation on his face, a horrendous expression of terror in his eyes, and baby poop in his diaper.
He plays with missiles like Sacha Baron Cohen plays with his tiddly wink. The guy is one truly messed up work of landfill art.
He seems to live in a constant state of trick or treating. Well let me say that the United States, The United Kingdom, Russia, China, and Japan are fed up with this spoiled Korean brat's attitude.
And let me be perfectly clear on one thing. Kim Jong Il's days are numbered. And sadly North Korea's days are also numbered.
American architects in Washington D.C. are, as we speak, working out plans, details, and blueprints for new malls, schools, restaurants, chopstick factories, and hospitals that are going to replace the current ones that are going to be blown all to hell after America launches about 7,000 ICBM missiles towards your sweet little soon-to-be-non-existent country.
I know that there are 22,665,345 people living in North Korea, not counting the 27 exchange students from Mexico or the 3 visiting atheists from Algeria. Yes, our GPS (Global Positioning System) is second to none, thank you.
And in closing, If I may, I would like to suggest that someone kidnap your good-for-nothing son-of-a-bitch leader before he turns your beautiful, serene and green country into the Sahara Desert.
Please have a nice day. Or at least try to have a nice day knowing that pieces of North Korea will probably soon end up in Manchuria, Inner Mongolia, and the Sea of Japan.
Thank you so much for your time. Yours truly, Hillary Clinton. P.S. Barry, Billy and Chel all say hi.
In a developing story. David Letterman says that he is making plans to book South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford's Argentinian mistress to appear on his show.
Plans are for her to read a top ten list, show off photos of her brand new 2009 Lamborghini, and reveal a recent intimate tattoo of a Sabal Palmetto, South Carolina's state tree.