WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Obama family dog Bo reportedly bit GOP political commentator Ann Coulter.
A White House maid, Shantell Shackleford, said that she saw Ms. Coulter bend down and pet Bo and when she thought that no one was looking she reached underneath and squeezed Bo's onions.
Bo let out an enormous yell that caused two secret service agents to quickly draw their guns. When they approached Ms. Coulter and asked her what had happened she replied that she had accidentally stepped on Bo's right front paw.
One of the agents asked her if she was sure it was the right one and Coulter replied that she is a lifelong card-carrying Republican and she was certain that it was definitely the right paw.
Mrs. Shackleford went up to the secret service agent and told him that Coulter was lieing and that she had not stepped on Bo's paw.
She then whispered in the agent's ear what had actually happened. The agent took out his handcuffs and put them on Ms. Coulter. She tried to resist but the second agent told her to get down on the floor face down.
Coulter was hollering that they were not going to get away with treating her like this. The agent said that all she needed to do was to shut her horse face up and shut it real darn quick.
She said that she wanted to talk to the president. The agent told her to stay down. Coulter tried to get up. The agent repeated his command. Coulter ignored him. At that point the agent said that if she did not shut up he was going to taser her skinny little GOP bon bons.
Coulter laughed and hollered out, "Look buddy, if you mean ass say ass don't play games with me, I know Sean Hannity."
The agent said if she didn't cooperate he would have no choice but to taser her. Coulter said that this was America and that she could say or do whatever the hell she wanted to, especially since she was one of the most popular Republicans in the GOP party.
She then made a move to stand up and Zap! The agent tasered her. Coulter fell down like a skinny sack of potatoes and started screaming and yelling, and flopping around like a halibut out of water. She said that her tongue was hurting.
One of the secret service agents took the butt of his pistol and he hit her on her right knee cap. Coulter instantly forgot all about her tongue. Two more agents came and the four secret service agents led her away.
White House spokesperson Cal Colfax stated that Miss Coulter has been officially banned from the White House. He then added that she has actually been banned from the Washington, D.C. area as well.
In other news. Scarlett Johansson has just been signed by Touchstone Pictures to star in the motion picture, Oops - The Carrie Prejean Story.