LOS ANGELES - The Fox Network, whose News Department proudly boasts that they are 'fair and balanced' (wink-wink) has just signed Katrina Darrell, alias "Bikini Girl" and Tatiana Del Toro, alias the "Eeeeeeee Girl" to star in their own one-hour reality show.
Katrina, who recently had some obviously noticeable breast enhancement surgery will be paid $100,000 per show, which comes out to $50,000 per...ah...each half hour.
When Miss Darrell was asked how it felt to have her own show she replied, "Well, it just goes to show you that if a girl is pretty, sexy, adorable as the dickens, and has what I like to refer to as awarding-winning jugs offers like this one will literally fall into your lap."
Kat, as her great aunt Paige Turner calls her, has just recently moved out of her trailer in La Brea to a $2.8 million Malibu Beach house. Kat mentions that the other day she looked out her bedroom window and saw Kirstie Alley sunbathing.
She said that she went over to introduce herself, but she noticed that Ms. Alley had fallen asleep. She said that the temperature was close to 100 and Kirstie looked as red as a lobster.
Kat said that she could not help but notice that Kirstie is so big that she actually looked like a fire truck, except of course without the ladders, the safety net, the hoses, and the Dalmatian dog.
Meanwhile Tatiana has said that after she was eliminated from American Idol for the second time she went into therapy. She consulted Dr. Ottoman Buxton in Tarzana who is considered to be one of the best therapists west of the Las Vegas Casinos.
Tatiana said that after the end of her third session she had already learned to control her infamous laugh, which comedian Zydeco Dupree refers to as a cross between Fran Drescher and a crazed laughing hyena.
Del Toro said that she had been dating Willie Nelson but she ended the relationship because he always had at least a dozen cowboy-types around him all the time.
Tat said that she just did not care to have so many guys see her naked tats. She remarked that Willie doesn't care, but that she is a good devoted Puerto Rican Catholic who does not eat meat on Fridays, Mac and cheese on Mondays, and strawbery jello on Thursdays.
The Darrell and Del Toro show, which will premier in August is titled "The Bikini Girl and The Eeeeeeee Girl."
In other news. The Ugly Hair Society of North America has just named its top three individuals with the hair from hell. First place for the third time in a row went to the North Korean leader Kim Jong Il. Second place went to CBS talk show host David Letterman, and third place went to Conan O'Brien of NBC.
Supreme court nominee Sonia Sotomayor recieved honorable mention as did Donald Trump.