Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 20 June 2009

image for Adam Lambert To Move In With Kate of "Jon and Kate Plus 8"
The 2009 Ferrari that Kate Gosselin bought for Adam Lambert as a platonic gift.

HOLLYWOOD - Adam Lambert's manager Miffy Tillamuck has issued a media release acknowledging the fact that Jon and Kate Gosselin of the reality show Jon and Kate Plus Eight are getting a divorce.

Ms. Tillamuck has stated that due to the fact that Jon has moved in with OctuMom and her 14 kids, Jon's wife Kate has asked Adam Lambert to move in with her and her eight children.

Kate says that she first met Adam at Ryan Seacrest's Easter egg hunt party. She said that right away they both hit it off and Adam showered all her kids with attention and he autographed their Easter egg hunting costumes.

Adam who has admitted to being gay says that Kate is really and truly a very attractive and sexy woman. He winks and says that if he didn't ride sidesaddle that he would most probably get into Kate's pants.

Kate replied that even though Adam is gay she still might end up getting into his pants. She grins and says that she has such confidence in her female sexuality that once she turns on her erotic charm the young singing stud will not be able to resist her aggresive advances.

Adam smiles and says "Wow, Katey sure does have a way with words."

Kate confesses that Adam literally won her and the kids over when they watched him sing Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love" on American Idol.

Kate said that the kids were literally glued to the set watching him perform. She laughed and said that she has vowed to be a little more careful in the future about leaving Elmer's Glue lying around the house.

When asked about his feelings towards Kate, Adam blushes and says that he really and truly feels that Kate and him are soul mates.

He said that Kate has taught him so much about simple everyday things such as sensitivity, ovulation, baby pacifers, and product placement.

Adam smiled and said that the blonde gal certainly knows her stuff when it comes to eyeliner, mascara, Kegel exercises, lipstick, eyeshadow, douching, ice sculpting, and YouTubing.

Kate revealed that what she really likes about Adam is that he can hit any musical note with virtual ease. She smiled and said that right now her relationship with Adam will be strictly platonic.

Her eyes light up as she says that once her divorce from Jon is final, she will pull out all of the stops and she has no doubt that she will change Adam's sexual orientation.

Kate says that she has read a lot of sexually explicit and physically graphic books on lovemaking and she is eager as heck to try them out on Mr. Lambert.

She recently told Ryan Seacrest on an on-the-air radio interview that she is extremely confident in her feminine sexuality and she knows that because she is such an attractive-looking woman with a fantastic-looking body she will be able to lure Adam into her boudoir without any problem at all.

Kate says that once her and Adam get behind closed doors and he sees her standing in front of her bed in her black see-thru sheer baby doll he will jump on her and start kissin' and lickin' every deliciously luscious square inch of her body (Kate's own sensuously erotic words!).

The soon to be ex-Mrs. Gosselin says that she does not mean to sound at all conceited but she has finally gotten over her shyness and she knows that to get what you want you have to be ascertive and just go for it.

Kate smiles and says that thanks to Adam she now has so much confidence in her womanhood that she knows that if she wanted to she could even change Clay Aiken, Lance Bass, and even Perez Hilton. She grins, takes a sip of her green tea and then says, "But probably not Elton John."

When Kate was asked what the name of her reality show would now be she smiled and said, Adam and Kate Plus 8.

Meanwhile, over at OctuMom's house, it seems that Octy and Kate's husband, Jon have settled in into playing house with Octy's 14 children.

One of Octy's best friends Laguna Zuniga says that Jon has literally swept Octy off of her feet. She added that she has known Octy since grade school and she has never ever seen her this happy.

She says that Octy has even enrolled in a Korean language class at La Habra Junior College.

Zuniga confessed that both Octy and Jon cannot wait for his divorce to become final so that they can get married and start filming their new reality show which is titled, Jon and Octy Plus 14.

Meanwhile in other news. Tom Cruise will shortly (no pun intended) begin filming his latest in the Mission Impossible movie series. The movie which will begin filming in Mubai, India is titled, Mission Impossible 6 - The Ticking Stimulus Package.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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