Kevin Jennings, founder of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) is thrilled by his appointment by the Secretary of Education to serve as Assistant Deputy Secretary for the Office of Safe and Drug Free Schools. Jennings, who has taught classes in promoting (his words) "Queer Friendly Activism" and told religions to "drop dead", sees this as an opportunity to promote his agenda in Public Education across the United States.
Bruce Limpy, spokesman for the Fraternal Association of Gays (F.A.G.s), also heavily supported the nomination. "Just think of the progress," he said. "We can get rid of that stupid No Child Left Behind Act and replace it with Let Your Child Take it in the Behind Acts!"
"In school sponsored Girl Scout troops, they can stop selling girl scout cookies and start selling Fudge Packed Brownies!"
"In schools that have Spirit Day or Funny Sock Day or some other day in funny clothes, we can start having Cross Dressing Day and there will be no stigma attached. It will be fun for everyone."
"Everyone enjoys watching two male dogs humping each other, so why shouldn't children be allowed to experiment with this and learn about it in biology classes? It's just natures way."
"I mean, it is those stupid heterosexual straights that are responsible for over population. Children should know!"
"We can also replace something like President's Day with Rainbow Pride Day, because no one cares about those old, dead men anymore (and children can color rainbows easier than they can draw pictures of Lincoln or Washington)."
Author's note: Kevin Jennings (not to be confused with Ken Jennings who won millions on Jeopardy) has received this appointment. The only part of this story that is fiction are the fake quotes that I created by an individual, and organization, that I made up.