Written by Mark Garrison
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Topics: Barack Obama, Czar

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

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WASHINGTON -- The Obama administration today named Mr. William Stokes, as its czar on czars to police the many czars in the administration.

Meanwhile, Republicans urged new laws to impose limits on the number of czars the President may appoint in a 24 hour period.

The amount of czars, which sometimes equals several thousand times the total number of administration officials and grains of sand combined, has caused controversy due to the amazing power these powerless unofficial officials wield without actually accomplishing anything.

Many czars have vomited at any monitoring of their fake authority, however President Obama has made it clear that a czar is in fact needed to keep the czars in check.

Mr. William Stokes, a former professional wrestler and long time police officer, was named "Supreme Master Commando of All The Universe's Czars" during a ceremony on the South Lawn of the White House in front of the more than 50 million czars presently working for Obama (accurate at time of printing).

He will be responsible for evaluating the effectiveness of all Obama czars in addition to ensuring that all czars turn in their vaginae at the end of each shift.

Obama has also empowered Stokes with the authority to immediately "dick kick" any czar that fails to perform as expected, and if need be to send any underperforming czar to Dick Cheney's castle for "enhanced inspirational techniques."

Mr. Stokes said the administration was not trying to set limits on the illusionary authority of czars, but simply wanted to ensure that all czars had a central czar to report to.

"With the present number of czars, it can become difficult to get one on one time with the President, so all the czars report to me, the master czar if you will, then I send a text message to the President's "Blackberry Czar", who in turn sends a message to the President's "Message Czar" who finally sends a tiny little note by way of homing pigeon to the President's "Shit We Really Need to Get Done Czar". It's all quite simple," stated Mr. Stokes.

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