Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 27 July 2009

image for Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young To Open For Adam Lambert
Adam on the sax (R) back at high school playing at an outdoor school assembly with his band Adam Lambert & The Legs of La

LOS ANGELES - The Stampeding Stallions Management Agency which manages the 70s icon band, Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young has just issued a news release stating that CSN&Y has signed to tour in September as Adam Lambert's opening act.

The tour which is being produced by Cinco de Mayo Productions, who also co-manages Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young, as well as Bob Dylan, The Eagles, The Rolling Stones, and newest member Adam Lambert is calling the Lambert/CSN&Y Tour, The Cinco De Mayo's Cinco Hombres Tour

The tour will start off in Pomona, California at The San Andreas Fault Arena and from their Adam and CSN&Y will perform in 71 cities in 70 days.

On September 13 they will perform at the Lakota Sioux Stadium in Minneapolis at noon and then cross the Mississippi River and perform at the Pig's Eye Coliseum in St. Paul at 8 p.m.

Stephen Stills said that the four members of CSN&Y are really looking forward to touring with Adam Lambert who they all agree has such a fantastic vocal octave range and can hit high notes that do not even exist.

Stills remarked that if he had Lambert's fantastic singing ability, charm, and good looks he would have 100 girlfriends in every state and 200 in California.

David Crosby who owns seven tattoo parlors in the Rancho Cucamonga area said that Lambert could very easily and effortlessly step into Led Zeppelin lead singer's Robert Plant's shoes. But he quickly added that Adam will do just fine on his own and that he does not need KISS, or Slash, or Led Zeppelin.

Graham Nash said that Mr. Lambert has the ability, the talent, and the showmanship to be the next Elvis Presley. Nash added that he does not care if Adam wears eyeshadow, eyeliner, or pink high heels the man can sing up a storm like no singer that I have ever known.

Neil Young chimed in and said that being Lambert's opening act will cause CSN&Y record sales to skyrocket. Young laughed and said, "Plus can you imagine all of the overflow groupies that David, Stephen, Graham, and myself will be able to get."

Young winked and said "And by 'get' I mean to possess in a visual sense, I do not mean 'get' like in the 'poking' sense of the word 'get.'"

When Adam was asked about his upcoming tour he replied that he was thrilled to have the 70s icon band Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young be his opening act.

Lambert remarked that he had also invited KISS to perform on his tour but that they had already been booked to play the Winter Festival Circuit up in Greenland and Iceland.

Adam even called up Bob Dylan about having him join the tour. But when he reached him on the cell phone and he told him about the tour Dylan replied in his sing-song voice, "Hey III wanna duuu de turrr but I gottt a sore troattt."

In a related story. Adam says that yes the rumors are true. He has in fact dumped Jessica Simpson. When asked if he was going to get back with his interior designer boyfriend Drake LaBry, Adam smiled, winked, and said that he had never left him.

He then stated that it was all just a ploy between him and Simpson to try and get Tony (Romo) jealous so that he could then get back together with her.

Adam said that sadly it didn't work. But he did say that with Jess's award-winning backyard (ass) she will not have any trouble at all finding a new dude to help her barbecue.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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