New York, NY-- The citizens of New York have seen just about everything by now. But even the most jaded New Yorker was stunned by the sight of The Statue Of Liberty silently weeping on Saturday morning. Giant tears rolled down the famous statue's left eye. The site was evacuated by Homeland Security, just as a precaution. Curiously, the right eye was unaffected.
New Yorkers lined the waterfront all day Saturday to catch a glimpse of the spectacle. Many considered the weeping statue as an omen of doom. Churches and temples were soon filled to capacity by the frightened populace.
Conservative bloggers posted pictures of the event; the bloggers noted Lady Liberty was crying for America. She was crying for how foolishly Americans were willing to throw away their civil rights and capitalist economy for a state-run dictatorship.
Liberal bloggers claimed the Statue of Liberty was crying with joy. They stated Lady Liberty was weeping with happiness, now that the Bush years were over.
Brave city workers climbed the outside of the Statue to do a chemical analysis of the tears on Sunday. The results showed a saline solution with organic molecules, very much like human tears.
One of the city workers looked directly into the statue's left eye and solved the mystery. He found a garden hose sticking out of the statue's pupil, for some unknown reason. The so-called tears were just filthy water from the East River.
New York police and the FBI soon found the gardener responsible and questioned him about the incident. Juan dePobre was questioned for five hours and then released. The gardener is a recent illegal immigrant from El Salvador and he has poor English skills.
"El' jefe loco told me to water the statue!" he said in broken English. "Me guessing that he wanted me to water the grass instead. I no understand. Americans crazy loco all the time anyway, so I thought why not?? Excuse me." he said in a sad voice. "I go now to water your face."