Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 8 June 2009

image for Gilles Marini To Star With Angelina Jolie In "008"
Angelina Jolie in a scene from her latest movie The Changeling.

HOLLYWOOD - French actor Gilles Marini, who was the runnerup in this year's edition of Dancing With The Stars has just signed to star opposite Angelina Jolie in the James Bond motion picture 008.

Marini said that he is looking forward to working with the full-lipped Jolie, who he understands has been wanting to learn to speak French for some time now.

The debonair Frenchman said that he will have Jolie speaking perfect French within seven days. When told that Miss Jolie has been known to fall in love with her leading men, Gilles replied that his wife would be on the set.

He said that when he was on Dancing With The Stars that Cheryl Burke, his dance partner, knew that she had better not even try to touch him below his belt or else Mrs. Marini, who is an expert at karate, would have broken her fingers, her lips, or her crotch, whichever was the offending body part.

Marini was asked what he enjoyed the most about DWTS. He replied that it was the way that judges Len (Goodman) and Bruno (Tonioli) would carry on like an old married couple when the cameras were not rolling.

Gilles said that the two would start off by calling each other names. Bruno would call Len a washed up old piece of driftwood, and Len would call Bruno a sidesaddle riding gay caballero (cowboy).

And then Bruno would walk up to Len and hit him just above his eyebrow which would drive Len crazy. Then Len would grab Bruno's navel and bend it shaping it into an ashtray looking figurine of a Roman gladiator.

Meanwhile, the third judge Carrie Ann Inaba would be off by herself texting herself and emailing herself. Co-host Tom Bergeron said that several therapists tried to cure Carrie Ann of this weird affliction but they had no luck.

Finally the producers just said for everyone including the media to just leave her alone and try to refraim from asking her about her 13 Chinese dragon tattoos.

The tattoos, which are found on various intimate body parts were all gifts from several secret admirers. Seven of the tattoos are located on body parts that start with a "P," four on body parts that start with a "T," and two are on body parts that start with an "A."

Marini said that after he finishes filming 008, he will fly back to France where he will participate in the grand opening ceremonies of his restaurant, Chambre de Gilles des Boissons Et Des Biscuits (Gilles House of Drinks and Biscuits).

In a related story. Gilles has discounted a rumor that Cheryl Burke had a tattoo with the name "Gilles" tattooed on the inside of her lower lip.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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