Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Hurricane

Sunday, 7 June 2009

image for The Damn Hurricane Season Is Here!
Hurricane Chow Ling which in 1999 slammed into Chanute, Kansas as a category 5 hurricane.

GALVESTON - Well hurricane season is here once again. And the Texas coast city of Galveston is still digging out from the bashing that it received from Hurricane Ike last September.

Galveston Hurricane Center Authorities report that every day they have reports of people finding pieces of Galveston as far north as Colorado Springs, Colorado, and as far west as Santa Barbara, California.

Melissa Beth Bartkowski, 91, who has lived in Galveston all her life said that just last week she finally found one of the wheels of her mobile home in a Wal-Mart parking lot up in Navasota, Texas a distance of about 121 miles.

When Bartkowski was asked by CNN's Anderson "Mr. Hurricane Man" Cooper what is the best prevention against a hurricane she grined and said "Move your ass up to Montana. There hasn't been a hurricane hit Montana since 1907, and all that one did was topple over a chicken coop."

Anderson Cooper has seen more than his share of hurricanes. He was there when Hurricane Apollonia hit Pensacola, Florida in 1999, totally destroying Biff's Burgers To Go Bar & Grill (and the place certainly went).

A reporter for CNN said that they actually found the condom dispenser from Biff's buried in a sand bar just outside of Perdido Beach, Alabama a distance of 26 miles.

Cooper was there in 2003, when Hurricane Mahogany slammed into Myrtle Beach, South Carolina at around midnight picking up the entire Myrtle Beach Post Office and depositing it over in Pamplico a distance of 51 miles.

And Cooper was in Boca Raton, Florida in 2007, when Hurricane Gloselle picked him up from the balcony of the downtown Holiday Inn and carried him to the La Quinta parking lot in Fort Lauderdale about seven miles away.

Cooper was recently asked by Larry King how long he will continue to put his life at risk by going out into these dangerous hurricanes.

Cooper, who is the son of blue jean heiress Gloria Vanderbilt replied, "Larry, I will continue covering hurricanes until the damn son's-of-bitches stop coming."

And then Anderson smiled and said, "And to paraphrase one of my best friends and yours, President Barry Obama, 'And that's what I'm freakin' talkin' about.'"

SIDENOTE: This year the Miami Hurricane Center has decided that all of the hurricane names for the 2009 hurricane season will be named after native-Americans (i.e. American Indians).

The first three hurricane names will be, Antelope-Who-Hops-High-As-Hell, Buffalo-Missing-His-Belly-Button, and Cow-With-Udder-Dangling-On-Ground.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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