When we asked the LAPD if there was the remotest possibility that Twilight stars and teen idols Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattininson could have died tonight, we were met with a stony silence.
When we insisted that we just wanted to know if it was a possibility, the LAPD told us that of course it was a possibility, but the LAPD were working like Trojans to prevent such an occurrence.
Things that Pattinson and Stewart should avoid doing, in order to stay alive, include not participating in drug deals in bad neighborhoods, not listening to improper criticism from satirical websites, like that Susan Boyle probably did, not driving motor vehicles with dodgy brakes, and not getting involved with OJ Simpson's people.
The bottom line is that both Pattinson and Stewart could have died, or been killed, had the LAPD not been so attentive.
The NYPD of New York told us that risk factors in NYC were similar, but unlikely because New York has more tall buildings than LA and Afghanistan put together.
A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police in London, England, told us: "They probably wouldn't get murdered here, but there's always that chance."
Pattinson and Stewart declined to comment.
More as the cheques roll in.