Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 2 June 2009

image for "Bikini Girl" Asks Adam Lambert To Marry Her
Katrina Darrell alias "Bikini Girl" lying in the backyard of George Hamilton's Beverly Hills mansion.

HOLLYWOOD - Katrina Darrell, aka "Bikini Girl" has admitted that yes, she has in fact asked American Idol winner, ah make that runnerup, Adam Lambert, to marry her.

Kit Kat as her grandmother calls her said that she was sitting at a Chick Fil-A in her hometown of Los Chinos, California eating a Chargrilled Chicken Club Sandwich with some Waffle Fries when Adam (Lambert) walked in.

She motioned for him to sit down at her table and he did after placing his order. She said they sat and talked about everything from Randy's weird looking Samoan shirts, to Kara's musical notes tattoos, and Paula's addiction to Cocoa Krispies Cereal, and Simon's first degree extended ego trip .

Kat told Adam that he should have won. He replied that he agreed with her. She then said that the only reason that he lost was because of the Arkansas teeny-bopper vote.

Adam said that he could not agree with her more. He said that (Ryan) Seacrest told him that of the 50,000,003 votes that Kris (Allen) received, 47,919,202 came from Arkansas, a state that has a population of 2,855,390 (2,197,481 of which are young girls between the ages of 6 and 12).

He said that CNN had reported that the state's teeny-boppers had incorporated what has become known nationwide as The Arkansas Power-Voting Ploy.

This is a telephonic means whereby the user can employ a certain configurated capacitor code known as a sychronized statistical contingency formulated power code.

Once this code is activated through a series of integrated circuit animated redundancies any girl, even as young as three can then easily and effortlessly vote up to ten thousand times by merely hitting the # key repeatedly.

This system of voting is highly unethical as well as illegal and it has actually been outlawed in 48 states but it is still legal in Arkansas and Wyoming.

Wyoming has not voted this extremely unfair voting ploy down since there are only about 29 cell phones in the whole state and there are much more pressing matters in the state to concern themselves with such as how to cheaply and safely harness buffalo droppings in the production of BTU's.

As the two American Idolers sat having lunch, Kat leaned over and whispered to Adam if he thought that she was pretty. He answered yes.

She then asked him if he liked her brand new maracas. He smiled and asked her if they were in her purse.

No silly she told him. She then pushed out her chest and said that these puppies were what she meant by maracas.

Adam turned pink and said that he didn't recall ever seeing her play the maracas before so he just assumed that she had them stashed in her purse.

"Bikini Girl" laughed so hard, a piece of waffle fry shot out of her mouth and landed on the salt shaker. Adam raised his eyebrows and flicked the piece of waffle fry with his right middle finger causing the waffle fry piece to land smack dab in Kat's cleavage.

She told him to retrieve the piece of fry and Adam said that he really shouldn't since there were a lot of kids around. she smiled and said that she had fallen in love with him and she asked him to marry her.

Adam took a drink from his Diet Dr. Pepper and again raised his eyebrows. He told her that he was flattered but that he couldn't accept the offer.

She asked if it was because she was not pretty enough? And he told her that she was pretty enough alright.

She then asked if it was because maybe her new sweater dandies weren't big enough? And he replied that her sweater dandies were damn definitely big enough.

"Bikini Girl" then asked him if it was because she was a lesbian? and Adam asked, "You're a lesbian?"

"No silly, I'm not a lesbian, I just wanted to see your reaction."

"Adam are you a lesbian?" Kat asked.

"No silly." Adam replied. "I'm Jewish."

"Oh, I see. Well okay. Take Care. Keep in touch. Bye bye."

(EDITOR'S NOTE: When Katrina Darrell was in the fifth grade she had a boyfriend named Moshe Myron Flickowitz. One day on a field trip to a bagel factory he got mad at her and he hit her with his beanie repeatedly. Ever since that day Katrina has been afraid of bagels, beanies, and Jewish people.)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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