Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: octuplets

Thursday, 4 June 2009

image for Octuplets Mom To Wrestle Sextuplets Mom
SextuMom (L) and OctuMom (R) after working out for their upcoming wrestling match.

DALLAS - ESPN has just signed the mother of octuplets to wrestle the mother of sextuplets in a regulation wrestling match.

The wrestling match will take place in Dallas' StagecoachDome and is being billed as "The Battle of The Multiple-Birth Mothers."

The match will pit Naddy The Naughty vs. Katey The Krusher. Naddy is a 33-year-old former psychiatric technician and Katey is a former nurse.

OctuMom, aka "Octi" lives in La Habra, California where she spends 23 hours a day caring for her 14 kids and badmouthing everyone from her mom to the media to Sean Hannity, to Barbara Millicent Roberts aka The Barbie Doll.

SextuMom, aka "Sexti" lives in Wyomissing, Pennsylvania where she spends 21 hours a day caring for her 8 kids and badmouthing everyone from her husband to Ann Coulter, to Madonna, to Dick "Hickory Dickory" Cheney.

The match first came about as a result of an interview that Dr. Phil conducted with Kate Gosselin, co-star of the TLC reality show, "Jon and Kate Plus 8." In the interview she referred to Octi as irresponsible, unqualified, ungrateful, undignified, and an Angelina Jolie wannabe.

She went on to say that Octi had no business having children because she does not have a husband. She also added that she does not have a car either.

When Octi was told of Kate's remarks she picked up a piece of cantaloupe that she was eating and slammed it full force into the floor. She remarked, that crybaby Kate was lucky that she was not the cantaloupe.

She remarked that she was more qualifed to have children than Kate was because at least she was honest and she did not have to dye her hair blonde like Kate does.

She said that Sexti was not fooling anyone because she knows for a fact that the hair on her 'downstairs carpet' is as black as Heidi Klum's husband.

And as far as her wanting to be an Angelina Jolie look-a-like she asked what was wrong with that. Afterall Angelina is beautiful, rich, popular, she has big juvederm augumented Lisa Rinna-looking lips, and she has Brad Pitt.

She then smiled and said, "What does Sexti have? She's not at all pretty. She's not rich. She's about as attractive as diaper rash, and she sure ain't got no Brad Pitt."

Octi then said "Yes, she does have a Jackie Chan look-a-like for a husband, but so what. I rather have Brad Pitt any day or any night and twice on Saturdays."

When Octi was asked how she is preparing for the match she said that just running around after the eight octuplets and her other six children is exercise enough.

She smiled and said that when she gets through with little crybaby Katey she's going to look like a used up pinata (pinata).

As she took a sip from her A&W Root Beer Octi smiled and said that she can hardly wait to get into the ring with that washed out dishwater blonde.

Meanwhile, Kate said that if Octi is planning on beating her then she better figure on bringing along some of her conceited California Gucci gal-pals.

Kate said that she'll have three of her neighbors in her corner. Two are the Goombalini twins Cadenza and Cantata, granddaughters of the head of New York City's Goombalini Family, Salvatore "The Pizzman" Goombalini.

And the third neighbor is Steffiona "Lips of Love" Tallavino, estranged wife of famed Detroit mob hitman, Nick "Boom Boom Boom" Tallavino.

Plans are already in the early stages of working out a deal to take The OctuMom vs. The SextuMom wrestling match on the road.

Diaper and baby food sponsors are already salivating up a storm wanting to secure wrestling tour sponsorships.

Meanwhile, ESPN is predicting that this wrestling match between the world's two most famous multiple-birthed mothers promises to literally be "The Mother of All Wrestling Matches."

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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