In a startling turn of events, the H1N1 Virus, alias the Swine Flu, alias the Mexican Flu, alias the Mexican Swine Flu, alias the Dick Cheney Flu, alias the Taliban Flu, alias the Bernie Madoff Flu, alias the Enron Flu, alias the Adolf Hitler Flu, alias the Registered Sex Offender Who Lives in My Neighborhood Flu has mutated and is now actively spreading throughout cyberspace according to the Centers For Disease Control, located in Atlanta, Georgia.
A high-ranking CDC official who wished to remain anonymous urges computer users to remain calm during this crisis. "There really is no reason to worry", the official said. "The virus is already out there and there is no way to stop it, so we're pretty much screwed. Worrying about it won't help a dang bit. Don't even bother to put a mask on your computer, that won't help either", he added.
President Obama issued the following statement concerning the crisis: "I'm not really worrying about this. I am trying to find a solution to the diminutive megalomaniac in Pongyang. If he (Kim Jong Il) figures out how to put an atomic device onto one of his Long Dong rockets, computer glitches will be the least of our worries."