Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 31 May 2009

image for Susan Boyle Boils As She Finishes In 2nd Place
Susan Boyle finished 2nd in Britain's Got Talent but still took home the 1st place trophy after stealing it from Diversity.

LONDON - Queen Susan of Scotland sang her stately heart out but in the end it was not enough to overcome Diversity.

The 48-year-old single singing songstress from Scotland finished second in this year's edition of Britain's Got Talent.

She was edged out by an innovative dance troupe named Diversity who truly captivated not only the viewers but the three British judges as well.

Susan who this past week had some run ins with a confused fan, hotel security, a door-to-door tea salesman, a half-naked lesbian accordion player, and several London bobbies was extremely angry at not being crowned the winner.

She actually spat at both co-hosts Ant and Dec (missing both). She then followed the winners off stage and when one of the members of Diversity put down the trophy to go into the mens' room, Susan quickly snatched it up and hid it in her dressing room.

The London police were called and they are still investigating the ongoing investigation.

Little Hollie Steel who was also favored to be in the top three completely fell apart during her performance. She forgot the words, the dance steps, and one of her shoes.

Some of the audience members actually started booing little Hollie but they all quickly stopped once one of the security guards fired off a warning shot.

Judge Amanda Holden could not hold herself back and she tried to jump on stage to comfort Hollie but she was quickly restrained by three of the shows security guards.

Two of the big burly guards each grabbed one of Amanda's long svelte legs while the third unbelievably grabbed her by her crotch in front of millions of viewers throughout The United Kingdom, Europe, China, and parts of Alaska.

They proceeded to take her offstage while fellow judges Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan took out their cell phone cameras and began snapping photo after photo of Amanda who by now had, had her miniskirt hiked up clearly revealing the gusset of her Victoria's Secret safari print panties.

The two co-hosts Ant and Dec could be heard whistling and making lewd remarks about Amanda's vanilla cupcakes (bobbers) which by now had almost vacated her low-cut blouse.

Amanda was kicking and screaming and guards actually had to handcuff her and take her to the office of the show's security department.

Once there Miss Holden was photographed and fingerprinted. Audience members remarked that they could hear Amanda's screams throughout the whole auditorium.

Meanwhile the pride of Wales, Shaheen Jafargholi, who was another one picked to possibly win the talent show was backstage in his dressing room crying. When asked what was a matter, Shaheen replied that he had accidentally bitten his tongue as he sang the last note of his performance.

He said that his mom had found some tongue cut salve and a band-aid. Shaheen said that he was feeling really depressed until Simon Cowell told his mother that he wanted for her and Shaheen to move to America and move in with him so that Shaheen could participate in the upcoming edition of America's Got Talent.

In other news. Reports are still somewhat sketchy but it appears that the missile that North Korea fired off yesterday has landed on the North Pole.

There are no reports of injuries to humans, however an eye witness reported seeing five polar bears literally scared out of their hides and running north at a tremendously high rate of speed.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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