Written by Plaid Racoon
Print this
Topics: Americans

Friday, 29 May 2009

image for Old People Valued Members of Society or Zombie Fodder?
Thats right grnadma who's the favorite now?

Last Monday President Obama announced his views on the cost of maintaining welfare and social security for the elderly and mentally infirm.

The President gave a moving speech on the values of there wisdom and experience and why such programs had to be maintained at whatever cost to honor such valued members of society. A more in depth investigation revealed a more sinister motive.

There is a program known as "Knofurgle" deep within the FBI archives. It appears to have been drafted during the Washington Administration in the event of an attack of " the damned, demented, and the dead" in other words an invasion of unholy forces upon the United Colonies. It appears that over the hundreds of years each president has added to or refined this plan.

The current plan is one by our very own Barrack Obama calling for, in the event of such an attack by the dead, the regulated use of the elderly, insane, and infirm members of society as Zombie food. This would serve to draw off the zombie horde from the younger, and therefore more likely to survive, members of society. Thus preserving our race for future generations.

In order to implement this operation large catapults would be erected to fling the bait toward zombie hordes.

While this author wonders at the ethical connotations of this endeavor she cannot help but agree with the practical aspects of "Knofurgle".

President Obama had this to say on the matter "in the event of such an attack i feel that we must look out for the people who will continue our race. Granted we could just hand out flamethrowers but catapulting my Aunt just sounds like more fun".

Make Plaid Racoon's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 multiplied by 3?

7 9 5 13
48 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more