Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 25 May 2009

image for Gov. Arnold "$$$" Schwarzenegger Welcomes Space Shuttle Atlantis
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger showing off the blue pearl ring, estimated to retail for $36,900.

MALIBU BEACH, California - Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger gladly welcomed the seven-man crew of the space shuttle Atlantis as they landed at Ron Howard's private landing strip on Malibu Beach.

The approach of Hurricane Zoquisha off the Florida coast caused NASA to find an alternate backup landing place for Atlantis.

The primary backup landing place was Ottumwa, Iowa, but Iowa officials rejected that notion because the space shuttle would have definitely interfered with the festivities of Ottumwa's Annual Crop Rotating Week Celebration and Corncob Bob.

Ottumwa Mayor Tinderette Sidebottom, 61, told the assembled media ("Sillygirl" Staci from Ottumwa's radio station KORN and MSNBC's Pedro Prackett) that there is just no way that she was going to allow the space shuttle to interfere with one of Ottumwa's two big yearly events. (EDITOR'S NOTE: The other yearly event is The Maple and Mabel Crittenden Annual Corn Cookies Making Championship, which is held on the third Wednesday in August.)

When NASA officials informed Gov. Schwarzenegger that they would be using his state as a secondary backup landing choice, the governor let out a happy scream that was so loud that customers at a Taco Bell located three blocks from the Governor's office could clearly hear.

When the governor got off the phone he instructed his secretary, the underpaid, overworked, and bad atituded Escalera Del Rio Blanquillo to write up the parking fee charges for Atlantis.

Del Rio Blanquillo told the governor that she had no friggin' idea what the hell the charges were.

Schwarzenegger got quiet upset. He stood up, walked over to her cubicle, and bent down to talk to her.

He paused for a moment. He grinned and then he said "Okay, Esmeralda, pay close attention to what I am going to say."

"Ah, my name's not Esmeralda, it's Escalera. I have told you that about a dozen times. I was named after my uncle Ladder."

"Silence!" the governor yelled out.

"'Silence Is Golden' by the British band, The Tremeloes, #11 in 1967."

"That's it, Esmeralda you're fired!"

"You can't fire me."

"And why not?"

"Because you ain't Donald friggin' Trump, that's why."

"Hello, Maria, call security and tell them to bring the dog."

"Hey, SteroidBoy, I quit. I'm outta here."

"Good and don't let the window hit you in the assmosis."

"It's door you sheetrock for brains foreigner. And I think that I have just been harrassed."

"Let me get my hands on you, you little douche bagette and I'll show you harrassment."

The governor then sat down at Del Rio Blanquillo's desk and wrote out the parking bill himself. The charge on the bill was for $100,000.

His wife Maria nee Shriver, asked if that wasn't kind of on the high side.

The governor put down his Cuban cigar and reminded his wife that California is in a horrible state (no pun intended).

He said that if California does not receive $21 billion by next Thursday that it is in danger of being completely and totally repossessd by The First International Bank of Baltimore, who holds the title.

The governor told Mindy Frangellico, a reporter for The San Francisco-based magazine, The Pacific Sidesaddle Revue that NASA had just spent over $1 billion to repair the Hubble Space Telescope.

So he remarked that charging NASA $100,000 for parking (and storage) is roughly like someone paying $100 for a steak dinner and then complaining about having to pay an extra 3 cents for three packets of Equal.

In other news. Mrs. George (Laura) Bush, who manages a Dallas Dairy Queen has just been named Dairy Queen's "Manager of The Month" for the entire state of Texas.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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