CHICAGO - Morning radio talk show host Van "The Man" Manzoni has just been named "The Best Radio Talk Show Host" in the entire state of Illinois."
Van who has been on the Windy City's KBLO for seven years won the honor thanks to his daily radio segment on his observations regarding the former vice president, Richard Bruce "The Dick" Cheney.
The radio spot is entitled, "Are Dick Cheney's 8 Years and 15 Minutes Up Yet?"
Manzoni, who has political science degrees from Harvard, Yale, Princeton, and Solid State said that up until last year he was a die-hard GOPer.
Van the Man said that he was such a hardcore Republican that he made Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Ann Coulter look like 1960's anti-Vietnam War hippies.
Manzoni, who also does standup comedy at Chicago's The Daily Dilly Dally Club remarked that Cheney has talked more in the past eight weeks than he did the combined eight years that he was in office...or actually hiding in the 'secret' vice-presidential bunker.
Cheney now talks more than the four women on "The View" combined. The old codger's tongue goes on and on and on. He makes the Everready bunny look like a rabbit's placenta.
Manzoni said that the way Cheney spews words from his GOPuss you'd think that he was getting paid by the word.
Van the Man suggested that Dicky boy sit down because to be honest no one really gives a penguin's puckeroo what the old has-been geezer thinks.
Manzoni remarked that isn't it interesting that no one ever hears Donnie (Rumsfeld) spouting off at the mouth about anything.
And when was the last time that anyone heard Colin Powell, Michael Chertoff, or John Ashcroft make a comment, political or otherwise.
And speaking of highly intelligent black women. Since leaving office, no one has heard one single peep or even a double peep from the former secretary of state Condoleezza Rice.
Why? Because the gal knows that no one really cares what she has to say. Yes it's true that she has written five books since leaving office, but she doesn't force herself on the nation.
Miss Rice was asked what she thought about the former vice-president and his compulsive obsession to criticize everything that President Obama does.
Rice replied, "Well it's one thing to criticize the president's policies, but it's another thing altogether to criticize what daughters Malia and Sasha eat for dessert.
And as a woman, I really feel that it is not Dick Cheney's business what color bras Michelle Obama wears, much less what her cup size is."
Condi then laughed and asked how in the world can Cheney even question why Vice-President Joe Biden has parked his Toyota Tundra truck in the president's White House personal parking space on three occasions."
Miss Rice said that Cheney needs to get himself a hobby. He just needs to go away somewhere. Rice then confessed that Dicky is such an egotistically-driven vain, narcissist that he just can't bring himself to go away.
Manzoni mentioned that Cheney should definitely go off somewhere and write fiction books. He certainly has the practice what with his self-authored, cockamamie, fabricated B.S. story about the so-called weapons of mass destruction.
Van suggested that someone remind poor old 78-year-old Harry Whittington about the weapon (sic) of mass destruction.
Whittington is the poor old fella that Cheney shot in the face, neck, upper torso, navel, and tennis elbow back on February 11, 2006 when they were out birdhunting.
An unnamed secret service agent with the initials P.F. said that Prince Cheney is lucky that his 68-year-old caboose isn't in prison.
And it is no secret that old Dicky did quite a head number on poor old H.W. In fact he had Harry so messed up with his rhetorical rhetoric that the old boy actually ended up apologizing to the vice-king, I mean vice-president for getting in the way of his buckshot.
It's really a damn good thing for the former assistant emperor, I mean vice-president that he was hunting with Whittington and not with President Georgy Bush.
Because if "The Dick" had been off hunting with George "John Wayne" Bush, I guaran f'ing tee ya that the crazy-ass Texas cowboy would have definitely shot back.
In related news. There may still be hope. Unnamed, reliable, inside sources have stated that President Obama met in secret with Senator John McCain, Governor Sarah Palin, and Meghan McCain (John's daughter) about the possibility of naming Dick Cheney to be the American ambassador to Antarctica.