Written by Stone Riprock
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Topics: White House, Medical

Saturday, 3 July 2004

BETHESDA - Relieved White House officials said today that Donald Rumsfeld's prostate cancer scare was only that--a scare. "He's clean as a whistle," said Dr. Jeremy North at the Bethesda Medical Center, where Rumsfeld was rushed late last night. "In fact, you could drive a truck through that thing. And I'm not talking about a pickup truck. I mean one of those monster trucks you see at the fair."

Teams of federal workers were still engaged in mopping-up operations. Maj. Tom Crowley, in charge of the combined military and civilian task force that swarmed into Rumsfeld's colon, said, "We know now that there's nothing to worry about, but the job isn't over yet. There are miles and miles to check out, and we have to get everyone rounded up, and make sure everyone gets out. Safety is our number one concern. We don't want to leave anybody behind."

The Secretary is scheduled to resume a solid diet Sunday morning.

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