Written by David Swinstead
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Wednesday, 20 March 2002

image for Hero Squirrel Thwarts Nemesis
David In Action, carrying a small warhead

David the makeup wearing (though fully heterosexual) squirrel has, today, successfully thwarted the evil plan of his arch enemy Dr. Evil Squirrel, who was attempting to gain access to the USA's nuclear missile launch codes.

Dr. Evil Squirrel (known to his friends as Antonio) had lured David into his secret lair with the theft oh his much prized pink flamingo no 17 lipstick, knowing that the wannabe private dick squirrel would take up the case of his stolen lipstick.

It is thought that Dr. Evil squirrel had an ulterior motive for the lipstick theft, this being that he intended to wear it for a dinner party with friends the following.

Unfortunately for Dr. Evil Squirrel, David's trusty sidekick Alison Squirrel appeared in time to rescue David from the trap that was set for him, saving the day and almost capturing the evil genius Dr. Evil Squirrel.

When questioned, David denied all knowledge of the information that Dr. Evil Squirrel was prepared to extract from him using methods of torture, saying in his statement:

"I'm just a regular squirrel, how should I know anything about any launch codes? And I still haven't got my favourite lipstick back dammit."

David is said to be preparing to sue Dr. Evil Squirrel for the cost of one tube of lipstick, and 5 nuts also missing and believed to have been stolen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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