Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 21 May 2009

image for Waterboarding To Be Added To 2012 Summer Olympics
The Dick Cheney Waterboarding Workout Room in Mogadischu, Somalia (photo courtesy of Donald Rumsfeld).

LONDON - The Universal Olympic Steering Committee upon the recommendation of 47 member countries has decided to add waterboarding to the 2012 Summer Olympic Games to be held in London, England.

Sir Eric Chippington, president of the UOSC stated that although he personally was against the adding of waterboarding to the olympic games, he must adhere to the wishes of the majority or as he so graphically put it, get his merry old English arse fired.

During the recent Cuban Preliminary Invitational Waterboarding Championship Tournament which was held in Havana's Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez Stadium, Porfirio Tecate of Guantanamo, Cuba beat out Havana's Picopato de Salblanca by a score of 3 to 1.

Tecate took the overly slanted board category, along with the industrial funnel category, and the bathroom sponge category. De Salblanca managed to capture the single nostril category.

Early indications are that the Cuban team will certainly be one of the favored teams along with the waterboarding teams from Greenland, Somalia, and Botswana.

One interesting note, it seems that the Egyptian waterboarding team will not be making the trip to London as they feel that they will still be extremley tired from rounding up the nation's entire 300,000 pig population and you-know-whating-'em.

The Universal Olympic Steering Committee is proud to announce that they have just signed a contract with Perrier Water to be the official sponsor and water provider for the entire olympics.

Other sponsors of the 2012 olympic games will be Marie Callender's Beef & Broccoli Frozen Dinner Entrees, Heineken Beer, Parliament Cigarettes, Jose Cuervo Strawberry Margarita Mix, Viceroy Cigarettes, Dos Equis Beer, Chesterfield Cigarettes, and The Henry The Eight Condom Corporation.

In a related story. Rosa Rose Mendocino, Miss Waterboarding 2009, has had to give up her crown. It seems that Rosa Rose has only recently learned that she is allergic to water.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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