Langley, Va - (AssoCIAted Mess): "Mr President only last week we learned that Mossad's Lahore desk chief has stolen and buried up to a dozen Pakistani nuclear warheads under his residency garage," CIA Director Leon Pancetta told President Obama today.
"Of course, that doesn't explain the whereabouts of the other 100 missing nukes.
"But it might give us some leverage in screwing over the Russians in that Dick Cheney-commissioned Plutonium-210 pickling of the Brits' KGB double agent Alexander Litvinenko!"
Top US spook Panetta had been summoned to the Fright House for a carpeting following reports that dozens of Pakistan's Bush-era Pentagon-supplied nuclear warheads had gone AWOL.
His view included the powerful insight that the Israeli security intelligence service's concealment was a carefully thought out strategy following the collapse of the Mossad's $900 million pension fund in the Bernard Madoff ponzi scam last December.
Iran's President Ahmadinejad may be cooking up a 4th July spectacular, Panetta added.