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Tuesday, 19 May 2009

image for Carrie Prejean Kicked Out of Vista, CA Church
"Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you!"

SAN DIEGO, CA - While attending services at the West Coast Evangelical Church in Vista, CA this Sunday, reigning Miss California Carrie Prejean was unceremoniously removed from the premises after refusing to shut her mouth despite repeated requests by church elders.

Prejean, who was visiting the church to hear a special sermon on marriage, engaged in behavior "unbefitting of a good Christian woman," according to witnesses. At one point during the sermon, Prejean raised her hand, shaking it vigorously, saying, "Oh, oh, oh!" and was immediately shushed by a senior church member.

When Prejean interrupted a second time, a Mr. James King rose to his feet, quoting I Corinthians 14, saying, "God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints. Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church. Or did the word of God come originally from you? Or was it you only that it reached?"

To which Prejean replied, "What?" and was shushed again.

Member of the flock Paul Christian spoke up next, translating the scripture into more standard American language, saying, "When God's people meet in church, the women must not be allowed to speak. They must keep quiet and listen, as the law of Moses teaches. If there is something they want to know, they can ask their husbands when they get home. It is disgraceful for women to speak in church. God's message did not start with you people, and you are not the only ones it has reached."

Prejean, still puzzled, replied, "Umm, like, I sooo don't get what you're trying to say," and was issued another stern "SHHH!!"

At this point, an irritated young man sitting next to Prejean leaned over, whispering in her ear, "Look here; shut the f*ck up in church, byotch!! You ai'nt 'posed to be talkin! Dat's the muh-f*ckin rules. Now, if yo' lily-white ass need to know sunh-in, you axe yo' man after services." Leaning back, he scrutinized the reigning beauty queen with a shake of his head adding, "Pfff! You ain't as fresh as I'm is, so you bes' check yo' self."

As soon as Prejean began to voice her objection to these harsh words, she was seized by several members of the congregation who had been inching their way toward her for the last minute or so. After Prejean had been dragged kicking and screaming from the church, services continued as usual.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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