Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Osama Bin Laden

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

image for Osama Bin Laden Captured In Rhode Island
Osama Bin Laden's mug shot (photo courtesy of The Pawtucket Police Department)

PAWTUCKET, Rhode Island - After years of evading capture Osama Bin Laden's flight has ended.

He was captured by the Pawtucket Police Department as he sat in room 19 at a downtown Pawtucket Motel 6.

Captain Payton Basilicatta of the PPD said that he and his team of 24 officers barged into the room and captured Bin Laden who was sitting on the bed watching The Bonnie Hunt Show, while eating a Provolone Italian Grinder Submarine Sandwich and some Little Debbie Strawberry Shortcake Rolls.

Basilicatta said that the 6 foot 6 inch Bin Laden did not put up a fight. an unnamed officer said that Bin Laden's first words were "Wow! I've heard of room service, but this is ridiculous."

Bin Laden was immediately placed in handcuffs while still holding one of the Little Debbie Strawberry Shortcake Rolls.

Officers recovered his video recorder along with a pair of size 14 desert sandals, a Sand Flea Designer Robe, two pairs of boxer shorts, and a "Someone Visited Karachi And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt."

Interestingly enough the reigning Miss Rhode Island Alysha Castonguay was staying in the next room. When she heard all of the commotion she went outside wearing only a lavender bathrobe, her Lindsay Lohan bedroom slippers, and her Miss Rhode Island tiara.

She asked one of the officers if they were filming an edition of "Cops" and she was told to get her pageant-winning rumpus delecti and her nubile twangers back in her room quick before she gets herself tasered.

The motel manager Debby Federov (no relation to Anthony Federov of American Idol fame) told Captain Basilicatta that Mr. Bin Laden had registered two days ago using the alias Mustafa Maliki Underwood, Jr. (no relation to Carrie Underwood of American Idol fame).

Ms. Federov, who last year won The Narrangansett New York System Wiener Cookoff for her 'Pride of Woonsocket Clam Chowder Johnny Cakes' said that she first became suspicious when Bin Laden asked her if there was a restaurant anywhere close by that served camelburgers.

She said that she informed him that the only place in Rhode Island that she knew that might serve camelburgers was a place located ten miles away in Woonsocket called Mesopotamia Mick's Bar & Grill.

She looked it up on the Internet and told him that he could find it next to The Ruth Buzzi Museum located at 1742 Debra Messing Road.

She said that he thanked her and oddly enough walked out humming "The Rain, The Park, And Other Things," a 60s song by the Rhode Island band The Cowsills.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Osama Bin Laden's court appointed attorney Calixto "Calamari Cal" Clickashank told a reporter for The Pawtucket Ocean Sun Times that his client actually turned himself in. When asked why Osama Bin Laden would do that he was told because he needed the $25 million reward money real bad.)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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