Criminal mastermind Osama Bin Laden says Iraq has a puppet regime, and he wants one as well.
"Why should the Iraqis have all the fun?" Bin Laden is quoted as saying, speaking to a reporter for The Fugitive Herald in Hoonoswhere, Afghanistan. "I love puppets, I've always been a puppet kind of guy. Love the Muppets, except for that tart, Miss Piggy. She needs to wear a veil too because she's just, well, let's face it, she's butt-ugly. There, I said it. But I love puppets. I think every third world country, every Arab nation, should have a puppet regime." Bin Laden also tells reporters he thinks Bert is not gay.
"Nah, Bert's not gay. Babe, come on. Just because a guy likes a rubber ducky in the tub, doesn't mean he's a homo. If you ask me, that Ernie is the one who you need to watch. Now that guy is just gay. What straught man laughs like that? I tell you, if they ever did "The Nathan Lane Story", Ernie could play him. He's a real Tinkerbell in real life." Bin Laden says he would not want to be personally involved in any puppet regime but would support it. "Nah, I really don't see me with my hand stuck inside a puppet, but I would definitely support anyone in that position." Asked if he had any suggestions for puppet candidates he responded, "Well, I'd like to see my pal Bert, or even Oscar the Grouch. Grover's too goofy but Mr. Snuffleupagus could kick some serious booty."