The United States has revealed its audacious plans to remove Saddam Hussain from power in Iraq. This comes after fresh accusations of him using weapons of mass-destruction to feed infants as young as seventeen years old.
President Bush said in his speech that the US was no longer willing to stand by and let Saddam abuse his power on his people. Upon hearing these threats, the Iraqi goofball is said to have threatened to "take that little pip-squeak round to his father's house, where I hope he'll get a good hiding to teach him to respect his elders." Saddam continued, "my son will defect, give away my military secrets, and try it on with six of my wives, but he wouldn't take a pop shot at the older generation!"
Saddam ranted on and on, "I started this gangster-s***, and this is the motherf****** thanks I get?"
But the US isn't listening to Saddam's arguments, claiming that his irresponsible use of weapons of mass destruction is justification for military action. US officials said last night, "he has used his biological and chemical agents on Iraqi civilians: at least when we did it in the 50s and 60s, we dumped it on top of trained military personnel who were effectively our property."
A military response has been prepared which will include some high-technology weaponry. Top of the range virtual-lassoes will be used to catch Saddam as he runs away across the Iraqi desert.
He will then be subject to the latest interrogation techniques, which include a month on "Temptation Island," hours of video replays of highlights of the Winter Olympics and all the celebrity gossip his mind can handle. The techniques, however, have been criticised by human rights groups, who say the experience will be "inhumane and intolerable."