(Washington DC, Friday 2 July) An all-party congressional committee has overwhelmingly voted to rename the US's premier national holiday July 4th as Chemical Dependence Day in recognition of the cocaine and barbiturate career of President George W Bush.
Citing the Colombian coca harvest reports 1965 - 1986 - adjusted for FBI and CIA-verified seizure figures from the US Drug Enforcement Agency - the committee noted that Mr Bush had done more for the ailing narcotics industry of South America than any other US national in public office. And figures from US pharmaceutical giants also confirm the committee's view that "Barbie" Bush is no coward when it comes to experimentation with large scale ingestion of downers and sleeping pills.
"It's just the sheer scale of the thing", said a spokesman. "Even when police medics detected traces of blood in his venous system, they knew that it was not enough to charge him, so his criminal record is clean as a whistle."
Meanwhile July 4th celebrations are said to be progressing as usual in the Presdident's home town of Crawford, Texas which is said to be preparing a special surprise for its most famous resident.......