Written by K J Heitz

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Topics: America, Al Sharpton

Friday, 2 July 2004

image for Al Sharpton Launches 2008 Presidential Campaign
America's lovable loser will try again in 2008

In a bold move this week, America's lovable loser, the Reverend Al Sharpton, officially kicked-off his 2008 campaign for President. Sharpton, who has been preaching since the age of three and running for president since the age of four, dropped out of the 2004 race for the Democratic nomination after a campaign that surprisingly didn't suck as bad as usual.

"Everyone already knew I was gonna run again in 2008," Sharpton said in a press conference held at his favorite White Castle. "I figure, why not get me a head start." Sharpton is the only candidate to officially throw his hat in the race, and for the first time he is a front-runner.

Polls show that if the election was held today, the American public would be extremely confused by the change of date.

Senator John Kerry, who kicked Sharpton's ass in the race for the Democratic nomination was caught off guard by the announcement. "He did what? Jesus, what a loser," Kerry said.

Sharpton plans to campaign heavily in junior and senior high schools across the country. "I'll dazzle ‘em when their young and hope they remember me in four years." He is said to be working on a magic/rap/break-dance routine to present his political views to young Americans.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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