Written by The Garlic Press
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Friday, 15 May 2009

image for Miss California Silenced by Inexplicable Lightning Strike
A publicity shot of reigning Miss California, pulled when experts discovered a subliminal message

SAN DIEGO, CA - Reigning Miss California Carrie Prejean is convalescing at Sharp Memorial Hospital in San Diego after being felled by a freak lightning strike this afternoon.

Police have launched a full investigation into the incident after police were "suspicious" of the testimony given by friends accompanying Miss Prejean. Though 3 eyewitnesses testified that she was struck by lightning, both officers who responded to the call noted that skies were "clear and sunny" at the time of the alleged strike.

Miss Prejean, whose parents did not believe in "opposite marriage" and divorced when she was only 1 year old, recently found herself at the center of much controversy after speaking out, not on something with which she is familiar like fake boobs, bleach, ten-year custody battles, and lying about her modeling history, but on a subject with which she has had absolutely no personal experience.

"[Prejean] has never even been married!" says Shanna Moakler. "Her parents didn't stay married. She's not even gay. She probably shouldn't even have been asked about this stuff. But then, to top it all off, she flat out lied to pageant officials! But she's going to keep her crown anyway, which is too bad, because Donald Frump could have used it to cover up that awful mess on top of his nasty ole head."

Doctors have decided to keep Miss Prejean hospitalized for further examination. Though there appears to be no damage to her trachea, larynx or vocal cords, they say, she has mysteriously lost the use of her voice after the strike.

"That's just fine with me, just fine," said a sweaty, balding, middle-aged man as he ogled a semi-nude photo of the beauty queen, a photo featuring her beautiful, brand new breasts paid for by the Miss California Pageant.

"Nope," he breathed heavily. "She don't have to say a word."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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