Written by Bureau
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Wednesday, 13 May 2009

image for Obama releases More Papers On Gitmo Prisoners
"Sorry, This Is My Only Pose"

President Barack Obama released still more material yesterday about how the Gitmo prisoners were treated and what helpful information the detainees gave under "Water Pressure".

According to the previously highly classified information that Obama held unto until he saw that none of his friends were on the list, some of the confessions of detainees DID help our counter-terrorism groups to prevent some attacks.

However, according to those that have already seen them, they also confessed to helping D.B. Cooper to escape to the same caves where Osama Bin Laden is now hiding somewhere on the border of Pakistan and Afghanistan, a secret plan to set forest fires in California and have suicide jumpers hopping out of planes that were disguised as those carrying smoke jumpers, over one hundred hot dog vendors in New York City (since has been proven false), pouring high cholesterol transfats into our city drinking water, sneaking cayenne pepper into knock-ups brands of condoms, eating Jimmy Hoffa and hiding Weapons Of Mass Destruction in their pants.

Although pants were checked and so were cheap knock-up brands of condoms, nothing harmful was found.

Finally, after several "Exams", most just said "write down anything and I will sign that I did it."

Along with the information there were more penis-pointing by female military personnel photographs, a female trooper eating a pork chop off a prisoner's forehead and a three layer six-person stack of men in cheerleader outfits.

The president said that there will be more released as soon as we can check them out for "authenticity".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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