Washington AC/DC - (Gladly My Cross-eyed Bear Mess): Following a personal recommendation from the head of the American Diabolical Liberties Union President Barack Obama has appointed the local Georgetown First Hellfire Tabernacle of Sodom & Gomorrah as the First Family's official temple of worship.
Reformed sex scandal penitent Pastor Ted Haggard officiates at the Southern Baptist snake-charming chapel where worshippers flock to be relieved of burdensome gender confusions, usually by a sharp nip in the gonads from a church-registered Death Valley rattlesnake during Rapturetime.
Haggard was defrocked some years ago after a gay affair with his crystal meth dealer went horribly pair-shaped.
He since repented before finding an incredibly rich backer to refrock him back into the Shepherd's Flock.
The Rev Pat Robertson is certifiable.