Written by alevensalor
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Topics: America, Vote

Thursday, 1 July 2004

image for Kerry to Swap Bullets, Donuts
Kerry says Krispy Kreme is "smooth, calm, and delicious"

In a surprise bid to capture the pacifist vote, Senator John Kerry today said that he will, if elected president, swap out all of the bullets in the United States of America with delicious, calming Krispy Kreme donuts.

"It wasn't an easy decision to make," The Presumtive Democratic Presidential candidate said. "I was sitting there with John Edwards and Dick Gephardt, talking about some way to curb the violence in America, and BAM! it came to me."

"Damn, these are good." He added.

Some have called the decision hasty, and said it violates the second amendment rights of every American.

"Come on, seriously," said one conservative. "I have a right to arm myself with something more than a friggin donut, I think."

Kerry disagrees. "I have read the constitution forward and back, and even had it translated into that language Bush speaks, and nowhere does it say anything about the bullets, or what they're made of. My proposed policy is perfectly constitutional."

"I'm all for it." said documentary filmmaker Michael Moore. "Hell, why not. I like donuts a whole lot more than I like bullets."

Senator Kerry and President Bush are scheduled to debate the proposition later this week wearing nothing by Roman gladatorial garb covered in stinging wasps.

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