Crawford, Texas - (Booze-Sodden Ass Mess): A Mexican-style Predator Chapel Ranch hogwash on this Sunday's Mother's Day promises a lively family celebration for newlyweds Jenna Bush and husband Henry Hager who are celebrating one year of wedded bliss.
The couple have been trying a variety of procedures - including sexual intercourse if insider sources are to be believed - to present ex-President George W Bush with his official first grandchild.
Then late last year the news broke that Heath Ledger really was old Dubya's firstborn and that little Miss Matilda Rose Williams Ledger had beaten them to it since 28 October 2005.
Jenna is said to be forlorn at her prolonged barrenness while husband Henry's become 'somewhat distant' (ie impotent) since striking up a flourishing friendship with the couple's burly, hirsute 6ft 6in poolman Diego.
Twin sister Barbara Bush is dating Andy Roddick.