SACRAMENTO - The California Legislature has just announced that if the state does not receive $23 billion by July, it will go bankrupt.
The state of California has hired one of the top legislative analytical firms in the United States, The Cornhusker Legislative Analyzing Bureau of Waterloo.
The Iowa based firm will do extensive research and it will document a study analysis proposal that will hopefully keep California from falling into the Pacific Ocean, figuratively speaking of course.
The cost of the analysis was an unbelievably staggering $3.9 million, but Governor Schwarzenegger said that it was money will spent.
He then defended it by saying that yes he could have hired other firms such as The Ozark Mountain Money Asking Questions Firm from Fayetteville, Arkansas, who would have charged a basic fee of $12,000.
He said that they could also have hired The Dinero (money) Situation Examining Syndicate of El Paso, who would have charged $9,000.
Or they could have retained the services of Shelia & Hank's Consulting Outfit out of Bangor, Maine who would have only charged $700 plus traveling expenses, lodging, food, drinks, souvenirs, and two tickets to a Dodgers game.
"Butt." The governor, said, "Like they say in my beloved Austria, 'you get what you pay for.'"
When the governor was asked what kind of contingency plan he had for dealing with this financial category 5 hurricane, he asked, "What de hell does peeing have to do with anything?"
"No sir, Mr. Governor not incontinency, contingency."
"Okay, you say tomato, I say potato." But to answer your weirdly worded question. In the event that we do not get the $23 billion that we need by July, I am prepared to take several drastic emergency measures."
"Such as what Governor?"
"Well first, I will sell off Disneyland. I am presently talking to some potential buyers from Tokyo, Japan."
"But, governor, the state of California cannot sell Disneyland because it does not own Disneyland. Disneyland is a privately-owned entity."
"Hey look at dis face. Does it look to you like dis face cares a rattlesnake's ass about entity smentity?"
"I hope so...and governor, the term is rat's ass, not rattlesnake's ass."
"Oh and now you are going to give me lessons on punctuation."
"Ah governor, it's not punctuation, its grammar."
"Oh, and now you are bringing my grandmother into dis."
"No sir, I think that you have your metaphors mixed up."
"Well I can't argue with you there. It's true sometimes I do get Met players Ramon Castro and Luis Castillo mixed up."
"But governor, getting back to you taking drastic measures, what else do you have up your sleeve?"
"A rabbit and two doves. Just kidding.
But to answer your vaguely worded question. Some other drastic emergency measures that I as governor am impowered to take will be that I will sell The Golden Gate Bridge."
The governor stated that he had been communicating via email with Carlos Slim of Mexico, who happens to be the third richest man in the world and he wants to buy the Golden Gate Bridge and move it to Texas.
He said that he plans on installing it over the Rio Grande River between Laredo, Texas and Nuevo Laredo, Mexico.
Schwarzenegger remarked that the world famous Hollywood sign will also go. He said that it would be sold to King Faruki Kashatingki of Saudi Arabia, who is perhaps the biggest collector of celebrity memorabilia in the entire world.
The governor noted that Knott's Berry farm will be sold to a group of filthy rich Eskimos. He revealed that they plan on destroying all of the vineyards and replacing them with pasture land where they will graze cows to make milk which will be used in the production of Eskimo Pies.
And Governor Arnie said that the Santa Monica Pier will be sold to a firm from Poughkeepsie, New York which manufactures popsicle sticks.
So it does appear that Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has it all figured out. He even stated that he plans on selling the state capitol building to the McDonald's Corporation who plan on turning it into the biggest McDonald's in the entire world.
(EDITOR'S NOTE: I have seen the blueprints to the Capitol McDonald's and it is positively amazing. The restaurant will have a total of 9 drive thru windows. It will contain three roving Ronald McDonald's, 58 cash registers, 12 bathrooms, and 34 ketchup dispensers).