Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 8 May 2009

image for Manny Ramirez Suspended For 50 Games
Manny Ramirez's baseball glove which also tested positive for Altoids.

LOS ANGELES - Former Los Angeles Dodgers manager and hall of famer Tommy Lasorda has called Manny Ramirez the most popular Dodger player since they moved from Brooklyn in 1958.

And now the Dodger left fielder will serve a 50 game suspension because he violated Major League Baseball's Performance Enhancing Lozenge Policy.

Manny tested positive for Altoids, which is an illegal lozenge that players use in order to ease a sore throat or help get rid of a persistent cough.

Thirty-six-year-old Manny Ramirez reportedly told teammate Clayton Kershaw that he was at a convenience store and accidentally picked up a tin container of Altoids thinking that it was Skittles.

As of now, it is not known if Manny tested positive for Peppermint Altoids, Wintergreen Altoids, Cinnamon Altoids, or any one of the more than 73 flavored lozenges.

Last year Manny signed a two-year $45 million contract so the 50 game suspension means that it will cost him close to $7 million in salary.

When he was asked about the tremendous amount of money that he will be losing, he replied that he would make it up by signing a bunch of baseballs and selling them on eBay for $1,000 each.

Manny who wears #99 casually said that another way he will recoup the monetary loss is that he will just raise the prices of all of the taco dinners and enchilada dinners at his Mexican Restaurant Manny's Numero 99 Mexican Restaurant in Alhambra.

He smiled and then remarked that he also plans to ask all of his restaurant employees including 5 cooks, 15 waitresses, 3 dishwashers, and 7 security guards to take a 10 percent cut in pay.

In a related story. Ramirez's financial manager has commented that the Dodger slugger will be putting his $13.4 million Beverly Hills Mansion, La Casa Bolas De Beisbol up for sale.

He added that for now Ramirez has no intention of selling his bar, Manny's Moments, or his franchise of 18 tanning salons named That's Just Manny.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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