Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 7 May 2009

image for Kirstie Alley To Pose In Celebrity Booty Babes Magazine
A McDonald's Big Mac, or as Kirstie Alley refers to it, an hors d'oeuvre

BURBANK - Kirstie Alley who is currently tiping the scales at 228, has just been signed to appear in a layout in the Left Coast-based magazine, Celebrity Booty Babes.

Kirstie who has recently made appearances on "Oprah," "Ellen," "Deal or No Deal," "The Bonnie Hunt Show," "Two And A Half Men," and CBS's "Face The Nation" says that she has finally decided that it is no secret that she is packing a whopping lot of tonage.

Kirstie, who refers to herself as "The Butterball Poster Girl" said that she just wants women who are in the same (gigantic-as-hell) boat (or more accurately) ship to know that it doesn't matter if you weigh 228, 328, or 728, you can still lose the poundage.

Miss Alley said that one reason she decided to do something about her weight is because she has not been able to look herself in the mirror in seven months.

And she remarked that it is really difficult to properly apply eye-liner, eye shadow, or fat-be-gone cream to your upper thighs without the use of a hand-held mirror.

She also stated that she is sick and tired of buying her clothes at Car Covers, Tents, & Things.

Alley stated that she has also gotten fed up (no pun intended) with people thinking that she is the official spokeswoman for Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, Aunt Jemima Pancakes, and Oreo Double Stuf Cookies.

Kirstie has decided to go on The Andy Dick Diet, which consists of eating absolutely nothing for periods of up to four days.

She did say that you are allowed two ounces of diet water once every 48 hours.

Kirstie feels that if she can stay on this diet that she should lose about 108 pounds and get her weight down to 120 by June 1.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: The culinary cuisine magazine Carbohydrate Monthly Illustrated has an interesting story in their June issue stating that Kirstie Alley still holds the all-time McNuggets eating record with 717 eaten in one sitting).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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